For simply ages, Maria Villanueva was known as the first lady of North Texas’ Garden Gate. But the end of her life shattered her husband Junior Villanueva‘s world involving both his personal life and professional livelihood. Yes, her battle with cancer had taken a toll for months and years, but it wasn’t until Junior was confronted with the fact that the battle was to end in hours or days at best that he faced the reality of how to use that priceless time.
Maria’s doctor’s answer was “hospice.” Turning to longtime friend Vicki Chapman, she encouraged Junior to reach out to philanthropist Annette Simmons. In contacting Annette, she suggested Faith Presbyterian Hospice, adding a word of encouragement, “I think we made a donation to them.”
As Junior arrived at Forefront Living‘s Faith Presbyterian Hospice‘s T. Boone Pickens Center for Hospice Care, he learned that Annette and her late husband Harold Simmons had provided $10M to help make the remarkable 36-suite facility possible.
Thanks to the Center, Maria eased through the final stages of living with dignity and compassion, much to the relief of Junior. The team also comforted and helped him transition through his grieving.
On Friday, September 13, Junior recalled emerging from those dark days. Thanks to Forefront Living, his devoted Garden Gate staff and family and friends like Annette and Vicki, Junior was able to create a brilliantly beautiful surrounding for Forefront Living’s Each Moment Matters Luncheon at the Hilton Anatole’s Imperial Ballroom.
As an honorary co-chair of the Luncheon, he had lined the hallway leading to the ballroom with cherry blossom trees and extended the trees to create a reception area in the ballroom. On the stage was a fabulous garden setting. Looking at the stage, Junior smiled about the gargantuan moving flowers that he had discovered in Canada. “I got them especially for this luncheon.”
As fellow Honorary Co-Chairs Christie Carter and Beth and Dan Plumlee and guests like Louise Griffeth, Beth Thoele, Melinda Knowles, Gage Prichard, Laura Neely, Andy Walsh, Lisa Cooley, Pam Busbee, Bob Chapman and Tiffany Divis took their seats, emcee WFAA’s Jason Whitely briefly recalled how seven years ago, the Foundation had expanded its services by opening and operating a team of victims hospices. Thanks to the luncheon, the Foundation’s Faith Care Fund is able to provide music therapy, massage therapy and grief support for children who are family members and who have been watching their loved ones in hospice, along with attachment care for patients without the financial resources.
In addressing the group, Forefront Living CEO Tim Mallad told of a recent podcast in which he interviewed Steve “The Sleeve” Schneiderman, a lifelong magician, who had embraced hospice care. At one point in the conversation, Steve admitted, “There’s something about getting a standing ovation that you can’t match. Over the years, I’ve been so blessed in both my private life and here in the spotlight theater of Tulsa getting a standing ovation every night.”
Tim then told the crowd that he would like them to join him in giving Steve a standing ovation that would be video taped and sent to Steve. All stood applauding “The Sleeve.”
Following that touching moment, Luncheon Co-Chairs Katie Townend Doherty and Katherine Wyker thanked the sponsors and welcomed guests before introducing a brief video spotlighting the Each Moment Matters honorees (Arnold “Arnie” Holtberg, Brad Hunstable, Courtney Underwood, Jamie “Dudie” Thomas, Pam Altizer and Pam Southern, Patrick Walsh, Randy Bowman and Wendy Van Bemmel).
After a brief break for lunch, keynote speaker/”The Truth about Horses” author Christy Cashman joined Jason onstage. She admitted that upon her arrival in Dallas the day before, she had been juggling so many things in her head that when “after changing into my tour outfit, out of my travel clothes in the airport bathroom, not surprisingly I showed up for the tour a bit of a hot mess. I arrived with all that noise in my head about what I didn’t get done before I left. Who’s going to bring my son his rugby cleats an hour outside of Austin; thinking how I really already missed my grandson. Why does one of my horses have diarrhea? Sorry, but it’s real and it’s my life and I’m thinking, ‘Who’s coming to the dinner party at my home next week’ and what’s next after this? What’s next after that? It was all just swirling in my head, and I was sort of skipping over the tour and on to the next thing. Already my busy, noisy brain was working overtime. And then I walked into the building and was met by Diane [Fullingim], Marlene [Casco], Melora [Hartman] and Cailynn [Beane]. But after a few moments, everything in my head thankfully shut up. I allowed space for the quiet, and I was able to tune in. I saw the beauty of the building and the detail and thought that went into making it so peaceful and serene, gorgeous stained glass windows in the chapel with butterflies and trees and other beautiful symbolism, the lovely rooms where the patients with balconies with the view of the pond and the sound of the fountain. The comfortable living spaces for family members to gather and a cheerful cafe in the center for the kids, complete with the cutest superheroes I’ve ever seen painted on the walls.
“And as the tour ended I had so many feelings that came up sort of unexpectedly and suddenly, and mainly it was discomfort. I was so uncomfortable with this topic of end of life care. I wanted distraction immediately and I found myself reaching for my phone or allowing my mind to wander back to the upcoming dinner party back in Boston, my horse, family problems or my next book event. Then I start to wonder, Why? Why am I so uncomfortable with this topic of end of life, of what happens when we wind down, of what we go through in this phase that’s so incredibly, inevitable for every single one of us. Why does our society deal with end of life so poorly? Why do I? Why do I compartmentalize this and act like it will never happen to me when I actually know so well, since I lost my mom when I was 17 and my dad ten years ago. And then I heard Marlene say, ‘You have to have a passion for it.’ And I was stopped in my tracks. How do you have a passion for death and dying? But she said, ‘It’s a gift we give, making every moment matter for those we serve.’ I looked up and there was on the wall, ‘Moments matter.’ And that was when my crazed busy packing everything in whirling dervish kind of life slammed right into the brick wall of reality. It’s about the moments. It should always be about the moments, not just at the end of life, but slowing down and making each moment matter now. Packing it in and the racing through to get to the finish line mentally is wrong. Maybe that’s what I can do differently. How we as a community, a society can be better prepared for accepting and less fearful of the final phase of life we will one day find ourselves in. Marlene also said, ‘We’re not here to fix anything, but we do encourage the phone call with an estranged family member to give them a chance to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ ”
She recalled the feelings she experienced when she was 17 and lost her mother. “It was a tough age. There was an instant wall that went up that felt like it separated me from the rest of my peers, from the rest of the world, like I was here, the rest of the world was over there. I wonder if I would have had the support and community of others who knew that this was just as much a part of life as being born and growing up and all the other phases. Even when it happens too soon, would I feel like I have this growth stunted person inside me? Somehow, I think it would have made a difference.”
Jason asked if Christy’s own experience had served as the inspiration for her book, “The Truth About Horses,” in which 14-year-old Reese’s mother dies and the teenager and father struggle dealing with the new reality.
She replied, “My novel is fictitious, but certainly I drew on my own loss and my own weird relationship with family members that I think about when a family loses someone close to them in their family. What’s weird is everyone has a different path of grief, and I drew on that a lot.”
When asked which came first — the theme or the characters — Christy said, “I think the theme came first, the theme of surviving and sort of relearning the world after tragedy.”
The theme of grief and how to deal with it “is such an individual experience that people deal with in their own ways. I think you can’t do it without it being a little bit of a mess. And I think art is that way as well. You know, when you’re creating something, it’s messy. And I think when you’re going through something, it’s messy and it’s more or less how it is you deal with it and get out on the other side and what you learn from it, I guess. And how can you help the next person that comes along and needs the comfort. Very little, very, very few words really are useful in those moments. I think we can all relate to that and it’s really just having someone be there, either to listen or just be there.”
Was Christy like Reese in the book? “I’m not Reese, but a part of me maybe wanted to be Reese. I wanted to rebel more than I did when my mom died. I think I felt like I couldn’t because my dad was grieving and I have nine brothers and sister. Reese is an only child. So a lot of the experiences that Reese went through, I just kind of took a lot of what I saw my brothers sisters did and put it all in her.”
Christy is currently working with her friend/actress/producer Jane Seymour on a movie about the book.
In closing, Jason asked Christy what the one message she hoped the audience would take from the book.
“I think that Reese had to let herself feel. And I think she also had to learn to have compassion for the way her father was feeling. They had to learn how to find their way back to each other, even though it was very messy.”