The best-laid plans of mice and men and PR people … what’s that saying? Well, that was the situation at the Hyatt Regency for an event called “Tuesday Night Live” on Tuesday, October 20.
The plan called for politico strategist Carol Reed to be served up for the St. Philip’s School and Community Center fundraiser. Alas, it turned out to be a cluster of base hits and outs.
To get things started, there was a reception in the Landmark Circle. Micki and Bill Lively walked by the St. Philip’s reception and headed for Landmark Ballroom D, where a large crowd was gathering. It turned out to be a convention reception. They recognized their misdirection and turned back toward the reception in the Landmark Circle, where guests like Adlene Harrison, Charlie Pride, Pam and Jimmy Graham, Laurie and Phil Evans, Katy and Ken Menges and other high rollers had arrived for a VIP reception. But later, they discovered that they hadn’t rated the “ultra-VIP” reception upstairs with the honoree, Co-Chairs Gillian Breidenbach and Holly Reed and the other members of the “TNL” cast.
Upstairs the very special ones gathered, but the PR person—who was brought in at the last moment—said s/he was clueless about what was going on because no one at St. Philip’s had informed him/her.
Toward the tail end of the reception period, Carol was asked whether she was nervous about the upcoming roast. “Yeah, because I haven’t had any control over this thing,” she replied. ”And that is not what I do.”
Someone said it had been Carol’s idea to put together a roast called “Tuesday Night Live”—patterned as a takeoff on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live” show—but, whoever made the call, the results were decidedly mixed in terms of the entertainment, the stage management, and the fundraising.
According to emcee Cappy McGarr, the blend of monologues, skits, and musical performances had a goal of raising $50,000 via text or donation card. But, by evening’s end, St. Philip’s headmaster Dr. Terry J. Flowers announced that just $25,500 had been raked in.
After a snappy opening skit by Nancy Munger as Hillary Clinton and Monique Ridge-Williams as Michelle Obama—Michelle told Hillary that if she really wanted to win the presidency she needed to hire “the fixer” Carol Reed—McGarr quipped that Carol on occasion has been called a “Mack truck.” He also noted that she had helped elect Dallas’ first black and first Jewish-female mayors (Ron Kirk and Annette Strauss).
Next came a lively performance by St. Philip’s students as the group Earth, Wind & Fire—Carol joined them dancing onstage—and then a bit by Chris Heinbaugh, taking a turn as Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” character.
While guests dug into their dinner—lettuce wedge, sirloin, crab-meat cake, asparagus, sweet potato flan and carrot cake or a “dark chocolate bag”—Heinbaugh and Breidenbach came out next as the SNL “cheerleaders,” before giving way to the evening’s first roaster, Gloria Campos, without any fanfare at all. “So much for a grand introduction,” Campos said sarcastically, sitting at the “anchor desk.” The former WFAA anchor presented a “Reed Update,” also telling the crowd there was no truth to Dale Hansen’s report that Gloria was now living in an assisted-living center in Mesquite.
Campos was followed by a black-bewigged Holly, who tried hard to become “Roseanne Rosannadanna,” a character popularized by Gilda Radner on “SNL.” Then the evening got lively again, as WFAA sports anchor Hansen, Roaster No. 2, stormed out and snapped to Gloria, “Get your ass off the stage. … I hope like hell you people didn’t pay for this tonight,” Hansen bellowed, before turning back to Campos: “Seriously, get your ass off the stage. You’re retired now.”
“My problem is, I don’t know who the hell Carol Reed is,” Hansen continued. “I was invited to one of her famous ‘salon’ dinners. And later Craig [Holcomb, who presents the dinners along with Reed and Heinbaugh] sent out an email saying I spoke too much. Which immediately made me rethink my position on gay rights in America.” When some in the audience groaned, the broadcaster shot back: “Hey, after my Michael Sam commentary, I’m golden!”
Hansen also took a few potshots at Ron Kirk, who would be the evening’s third roaster, saying, “Ron Kirk is fat. What the hell has he been trading: minerals rights for cheeseburgers?” Before bringing Kirk on, Hansen did have a few kind words for Reed, calling her his longtime friend and one who pushed hard to get the American Airlines Center built.
Kirk, the former Dallas mayor and U.S. Trade Ambassador, said Reed is one of Dallas’ true “steel magnolias,” someone with a “fierce dedication to her clients, and an insatiable appetite for winning.” But he also joked about her cultural sensitivity (or, rather, her lack of it). When they worked together on his mayoral campaign, Kirk recalled, “Carol decided she wanted me to drive her around,” like Hoke chauffeuring Ms. Werthan in the movie, “Driving Miss Daisy.” Also, Kirk said, Reed once asked, “When the hell is Cinco de Mayo?!”
When it was finally Carol’s turn onstage, the veteran PR consultant graciously thanked everyone, but not before getting off a few shots of her own. Dale Hansen is “the Denny Crane of the news,” she said, referring to William Shatner’s character on TV’s “Boston Legal.” Of McGarr, she added, “No one can tell me what the hell he does. Does anybody know?”
Then, just as the guests were exiting the ballroom because they thought the roast was over, Dr. Flowers appeared on stage as Eddie Murphy playing in “Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood.” “It’s an interesting night in the neighborhood,” the headmaster warbled as everyone scrambled back to their seats. “St. Philip’s thanks all of you!”
jan strimple says
What a hoot! Carol is amazing – luv her hutzpah!