Queenie Has Her Own Version Of Voting Requirements

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

As Queenie arrived with her usual pomp-and-ho-hum, Elder Elf approached her. Gingerly, he asked, “Ma’am, did you know that early voting has gotten underway today?”

With head raised (this time it didn’t hit the ceiling), she nodded just slightly so that her tiara would not go askew.

Daring to broach the issue, Elder queried, “As you probably know, there have been some new requirements about voting. I just wanted to review them with you. Here they are:”

A voter who has not been issued a driver’s license or social security number may register to vote, but such voter must submit proof of identification when presenting himself/herself for voting or with his/her mail-in ballots, if voting by mail. These voters’ names are flagged on the official voter registration list with the annotation of “ID.” The “ID” notation instructs the poll worker to request a proper form of identification from these voters when they present themselves for voting, unless they are a voter with a permanent exemption on the voter registration certificate. The voter must present one of the seven (7) acceptable forms of identification:

  • Texas driver license issued by the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS)
  • Texas Election Identification Certificate issued by DPS
  • Texas personal identification card issued by DPS
  • Texas concealed handgun license issued by DPS
  • United States military identification card containing the person’s photograph
  • United States citizenship certificate containing the person’s photograph
  • United States passport

Putting on her monocle, Queenie reviewed the list and dismissed it, saying, “I have far better credentials than these.”

Raising his scraggly eyebrows, Elder said, “Please share with us your references, so that we can recommend them to the authorities.”

With nose raised high, Queenie reported that she had had the obstetrician who delivered her provide a notarized statement saying that she was indeed born in the United States with photos of the delivery.

Shaking his head, Elder didn’t have the heart to suggest that might not work. Instead he dared to ask, “May I be so bold to ask for whom you are voting?”

Expressing a slight look of shock (her latest shot of Botox had not settled in yet), Queenie responded, “As my dear Queen Mummy told me when I was a little Queenie-in-training, ‘One must never discuss sex, politics, religion or one’s plastic surgeon.’”

April Is Going To Be Gangbusters, So Fasten Your Seat Belts

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

Having just emerged from her wrinkle-remover chamber, Queenie arrived at MySweetCharity headquarters to find not an elf in sight. This simply couldn’t be. After all, MSC elves have no life outside MSC. Clearing her throat, nothing happened. Hmm, that usually gets results.

She announced, “The last elf to appear will have lunch with me today.” With that, all elves popped up. No one wanted to be the last one.

Beckoning Elder Elf over, Queenie raised her perfectly engineered right eyebrow and asked, “So, what’s up?”

Trembling, Elder stammered trying to speak. Queenie harrumphed, “Enough with the theatrics. Just put a subject and verb together and tell me exactly what’s the problem. Was the croissant delivery late?”

Elder straightened up and said, “It’s April.”

Queenie wasn’t getting it. She replied, “So? It usually follows March.”

Elder explained that due to the area spring breaks taking place throughout March, nonprofits had moved their usual March events to April. Thus, April had become overloaded with fundraising activities.

From the gleeful look on her face, Queenie still didn’t get it. “Oh, just think of all the fun there’ll be had in April. Lunches, cocktail parties, dinners, lectures, patron parties, announcement receptions, check presentations! Loads and loads of opportunities to raise money for nonprofits. I simply can’t wait to see Tim, Hoda, Goldie, Martin, Amal, Tommy, Brene and the rest! I wonder if I’ll have time to get away for Elizabeth’s private birthday party?”

With all that name dropping, Elder realized that a reality check was necessary at this point. “Ma’am, you really need to look at the MySweetCharity Calendar. The Calendar elves are being treated for finger bruising from posting all the events. The other elves are hyperventilating at how all these activities are going to be handled.”

With that Queenie put on her reading glasses and pulled up the April calendar. With eyes bulging out, her head started spinning like a hula hoop. She returned to her wrinkle-remover chamber.

Queenie Proclaims Recent Sneezing And Wheezing May Be Only Temporary

It was so adorable this morning when Queenie arrived in her ceremonial robes and her favorite tiara topping a splashy sombrero. What was the occasion? Cinco de Mayo was still a couple of months away. Elder Elf, who had had his gray roots refreshened for the umpteenth time, approached the old gal asking, “O regal one, who was born with a platinum spoon in her fist, may I ask why you have chosen to accessorize your regal wardrobe with the Mexican influence?’

Looking around at her queendom, Queenie harrumphed, “Isn’t it really rather obvious?” It’s National Guacamole Day.”

Bracing himself for the response, Elder winced saying, “My royal special one, I believe that at last report Friday, September 16th is National Guacamole Day.”

Queenie would have wrinkled her brow, if her Botox had been double strength. Her pursed lips uttered, “Then what’s with all the guacamole in this place?’

Realizing that his sweet Queenie was way above normal frailties, Elder explained, “You see, Ma’am, the entire conclave of elves has been hit with allergies. Due to the unusually warm weather conditions, the trees and flowers are blooming and the elves are sneezing, wheezing and tearing up. And then there are those pesky bugs. ”

(Editor’s note: As everyone in the MSC universe knows, elves’ don’t sneeze, wheeze and tear up like humans. Their tears and other wet excretions are guacamole.)

Now understanding that she had totally misunderstood the situation, Queenie appeared to show possible signs of embarrassment. But embarrassment is not an emotion that her royal DNA had ever experienced. In fact, her great-great grandfather once said that no one associated with the family tree had ever been associated with such words like “ass-u-me” or embarr-ass-ment”.

Regaining her royal composure, she raised her perfectly engineered nose to new heights and announced to all, “Never fear, my darlings. My cantankerous cousin, Mother Nature has not taken off for her spring break. Just the other night over a delicious dinner of hummingbird-spun sugar cane, Lady Diana Fingers and champagne sweets, she whispered in my perfectly sculpted ear that a late February/early March freezer-deezer might make life interesting.”

So, if you, like the elves, are doing non-stop sneezing, having sleepless night and having an allergist on call 24/7, be hopeful. And for heavensakes, don’t stash those winter cozy clothes and toss the hot chocolate packets. Winter ain’t over until the fat Ma Nature sings and swings.

Queenie Builds A Doghouse

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

The MySweetCharity morning shift of elves were hard at work when they heard pounding outside the MSC headquarters. Lo and behold, they discovered Queenie building a doghouse next to the MSC compost pile. On their chocolate milk and graham cracker break, they scurried outside to see the new puppy, but there was no dog. And they wondered why Queenie would put a puppy near the stinky heap.

A vote was taken and Ellery Elf was elected to ask Queenie if the pooch was on its way.

Without losing a beat in her pounding of nails, Queenie responded, “What makes you think we would be getting another dog?”

Ellery said it was the doghouse that she was constructing.

Queenie stopped her work and turned to look at Ellery. “Why would we ever put an animal outside and away from us?”

Ellery then asked what the doghouse was for.

Queenie told all the elves to gather around for a story.

It seems that last week a nonprofit put a shout-out to the media to gather for an announcement about the organization’s future plans. Following the press conference, a release was distributed quoting the head of the nonprofit.

Only problem? The statements were made by a man, not the female head of the group. She was out of town.

When the person who issued the release was asked about the misidentification of the speaker, no response came.

In another case, there was a presentation by another major nonprofit. Following the big event that had a number of the area’s leaders presenting others with awards, the PR person distributed the release with the wrong information about those involved. Two media outlets ran the articles based on the release. Luckily, MySweetCharity was not one of them.

“Oh, sweet Queenie, how can this be?” Ellery said, as tears of guacamole started streaming down the faces of the elves. They had never heard of such a thing.

Feeling sorry for the elves for losing their innocence, Queenie explained, “Public relations people are hardworking folks, who try to be the go-between their client and the media. That is not an easy job at all. However, when they knowingly provide totally incorrect information, they are ill serving their clients and damaging their credibility with the media.”

Seeing the elves shaken by such news, Elder Elf asked, “Oh Most Benevolent Queenie, what does this dastardly dilemma have to do with the doghouse?”

As Queenie turned around to hammer the last of the nails in place, she was heard to say, “It’s for those who think misinformation is acceptable.”

Following Thursday’s Storm, Queenie Recommends Celebration For MySweetCharity Elves

This morning as Queenie arrived at MySweetCharity headquarters, Elder Elf greeted her but warned her to be prepared — the elves were in shambles.

(Please recall that when MSC elves tear up, guacamole-like substance flows from their teeny tiny eyes. The place looked like Ojedas on a Friday at noon.)

When Queenie asked the reason for the overload of green stuff, Elder said, “They’re worn out and devastated. The elves’ itty bitty homes were wiped out Thursday night due to the winds.”

Queenie in her compassionate way pursed her pouty lips and asked, “Why are they upset?”

Elder, realizing that Queenie was in need of a tactful reality kick in the derriere, said, “Queenie, whose brilliance outshines the greatest star in the Milky Way, the elves’ cottages are in ruin. All is lost! ”

Looking up after admiring her highly buffed toenails, Queenie tilted her head slightly — “Pshaw! That, my dear Elder, is stuff. Was a life lost? No. So, the loss of stuff is an inconvenience, but it’s temporary, frustrating and replaceable.”

Elder did the shifty eye, as the elves looked quizzically at each other. He asked, “Oh, one who has never encountered a question without an answer, how should we proceed?”

Straightening her head so her tiara stayed in place, Queenie replied, “The elves’ houses were made of marshmallows, chocolate chips and cherries. Gather the remnants up and bring out the ice cream that has been melting in the walk-in frig. We shall have a party to celebrate our good fortune that nary a soul was lost. Afterwards we will rebuild the homes with sturdier stuff, like peppermint sticks, lollipops and peanut brittle.”