MSC Holiday Plans: Elves Hunkering Down With Relatives; Elder Elf Holding Down The Fort; Queenie Having Her Wrinkles Ironed

MySweetCharity

With Santa preparing to make his rounds and spanxing his way down chimneys throughout the land, the MySweetCharity elves have put together their annual holiday playlist that will kick off Christmas Eve.

The elves themselves will be joining their relatives (faeries, leprechauns, pixies, sprites and brownies) for their holiday celebration at the North Pole. Since Mr. and Mrs. Claus are going to be on the sunny beaches of David Copperfield’s Musha Cay, the North Pole elves will be in charge of the festivities. They’ve already put everyone on noticed that cellphones are be left at the front door, so there will be no distractions.

After playing “Pin the Horn on the Unicorn,” “Blindman’s Mistletoe” and “Invisible Jenga,” all will settle down to a revolving round table for a feast of s’mores, cotton candy and cocoa. The nectar provided by British Black honeybee queen will only be available to those guests who are older than the hills.

As they head for bed, they will find personalized footed jammies lined in Shea butter, duvets filled with down donated by Queen Elizabeth II’s swans and pillows that play tunes guaranteed to create sweet dreams.

As for Queenie, she’ll return to her age-fighting cocoon and grumble about the week only having seven days. She’s still lobbying for an eight-day week and a 30-hour day.

But if something happens that affects the MSC community, not to worry. Elder Elf volunteered to stay at the headquarters just in case any news breaks. He did make one request — “Because we have had so many losses and discord this year, I hope this song will make us all appreciate our blessings.”

 

Queenie Blows Back To MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

The MySweetCharity global headquarters was shaken this morning. One of the elves scampered through the compound like Paul Revere: “She’s here! She’s here! She’s here!” There was just a way that the word “she” was shouted that there was no doubt who was indeed here.

As Queenie waddled her way to her throne room, Elder Elf pulled himself together to broach the old dowager.

Like “The Tudors’” Sam Neill, he bowed and gingerly asked, “We have missed your wonderfulness. Pray tell? Have we done something that has prevented your splendor from being with us?”

Snorting into a super-super-strength Puffs like a whale blowing through its blowhole, she looked at Elder through her kryptonite sunglasses.

“I had a fabulous winter. Visited a friend who was building a floating palace in the Mediterranean. Comforted another gal who was shedding her starter husband. Watched another lady who overdosed on plastic surgery. Had no idea that eyebrows could reach to the back of your neck.”

Despite his hunger for more delicious details about the world outside, Elder still noted how none would have warranted Queenie’s cheaters and terribly obvious sniffs.

“But, Ma’am, why do I sense your being not gloriously happy yourself?” Elder asked. He’s a smart old elf.

Queenie pulled off the shades and glowered at Elder saying, “It is a problem that faces only the very special amongst us. Some call it the flu; other say it’s a ‘nasty head cold;’ and still some swear it off as allergies due to the wanton ways of the season. Doesn’t matter. From my shoulders up, I have become the Trevi Fountain. I have been forced to replace my Cristal with NyQuil. How I shudder at that very admission! You and the elves are so fortunate to be so common that you’re not afflicted with this condition.”

With that, Queenie clutched her case of designer-made tissues and her crystal jug of NyQuil and settled into a state of sneezing, wheezing, and overall grumpiness.

Hey! There are times when it ain’t so great to be Queenie.

The Great Girl Scout Cookie Debate Nearly Results In An Elf Brawl

The debates have not ended! The MySweetCharity espresso barroom was the scene of a near brawl this afternoon. With her eminence Queenie sitting on her throne as judge, she listened to two teams of elves argue, complain and decry the lack of knowledge of the other group. At one point it got so ugly that one debater stuck his purple tongue out.

Girl Scout S’more*

Girl Scout Samoa*

The subject? Which Girl Scout cookies were better — old favorite Samoas (aka Caramel Delites) or the new cookie on the block S’mores? The S’mores team argued that there are S’mores and then there are S’Mores. The Samoas group claimed the other side was nuts not to love the coconut-laden Samoas.

Girl Scout Thin Mint*

At one point it got so ugly that one debater stuck his … that’s right … purple tongue out. Queenie had had enough and ordered a time out. After 10 minutes Elder Elf notified the old gal that it hadn’t worked. In fact the elf gallery was now complaining that both sides were wrong. Thin Mints topped the other two and they were staging a protest in front of the MSC headquarters.

Making a Solomon decision, Queenie told Elder, “Get me a crate of each and I shall make the final decision.”

Elder sought the request here to provide Queenie with crates of cookies. One can only suspect that Queenie’s New Year’s resolution of losing that 50 pounds was history, as she waddled to her chambers with a wheelbarrel filled with the boxes of cookies.

But don’t wait to learn Queenie’s decision. The Girl Scouts are officially kicking off sale of the cookies (Girls Scouts S’more, Thin Mints, Caramel deLites/Samoas, Peanut Butter Patties/Tagalongs, Shortbread/Trefoils, Do-si-Dos/Peanut Butter Sandwich, Lemonades, Savannah Smiles, Thanks-A-Lot, Toffee-tastic and Trios) on Friday. They (the cookies, not the Scouts) can be ordered directly from a Scout or online.

Girl Scout cookie sales*

And look to downtown Dallas Friday night for dazzling signs of the great cookie takeover. The Bank of America Plaza will shine green and white; One Arts Place’s unique green square will dazzle; and the Omni Dallas Hotel will feature “the Girl Scout logo in green displaying the message, ‘Cookie Time.’”  

* Photos provided by the Girl Scouts

Queenie Has Her Own Version Of Voting Requirements

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

As Queenie arrived with her usual pomp-and-ho-hum, Elder Elf approached her. Gingerly, he asked, “Ma’am, did you know that early voting has gotten underway today?”

With head raised (this time it didn’t hit the ceiling), she nodded just slightly so that her tiara would not go askew.

Daring to broach the issue, Elder queried, “As you probably know, there have been some new requirements about voting. I just wanted to review them with you. Here they are:”

A voter who has not been issued a driver’s license or social security number may register to vote, but such voter must submit proof of identification when presenting himself/herself for voting or with his/her mail-in ballots, if voting by mail. These voters’ names are flagged on the official voter registration list with the annotation of “ID.” The “ID” notation instructs the poll worker to request a proper form of identification from these voters when they present themselves for voting, unless they are a voter with a permanent exemption on the voter registration certificate. The voter must present one of the seven (7) acceptable forms of identification:

  • Texas driver license issued by the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS)
  • Texas Election Identification Certificate issued by DPS
  • Texas personal identification card issued by DPS
  • Texas concealed handgun license issued by DPS
  • United States military identification card containing the person’s photograph
  • United States citizenship certificate containing the person’s photograph
  • United States passport

Putting on her monocle, Queenie reviewed the list and dismissed it, saying, “I have far better credentials than these.”

Raising his scraggly eyebrows, Elder said, “Please share with us your references, so that we can recommend them to the authorities.”

With nose raised high, Queenie reported that she had had the obstetrician who delivered her provide a notarized statement saying that she was indeed born in the United States with photos of the delivery.

Shaking his head, Elder didn’t have the heart to suggest that might not work. Instead he dared to ask, “May I be so bold to ask for whom you are voting?”

Expressing a slight look of shock (her latest shot of Botox had not settled in yet), Queenie responded, “As my dear Queen Mummy told me when I was a little Queenie-in-training, ‘One must never discuss sex, politics, religion or one’s plastic surgeon.’”

April Is Going To Be Gangbusters, So Fasten Your Seat Belts

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

Having just emerged from her wrinkle-remover chamber, Queenie arrived at MySweetCharity headquarters to find not an elf in sight. This simply couldn’t be. After all, MSC elves have no life outside MSC. Clearing her throat, nothing happened. Hmm, that usually gets results.

She announced, “The last elf to appear will have lunch with me today.” With that, all elves popped up. No one wanted to be the last one.

Beckoning Elder Elf over, Queenie raised her perfectly engineered right eyebrow and asked, “So, what’s up?”

Trembling, Elder stammered trying to speak. Queenie harrumphed, “Enough with the theatrics. Just put a subject and verb together and tell me exactly what’s the problem. Was the croissant delivery late?”

Elder straightened up and said, “It’s April.”

Queenie wasn’t getting it. She replied, “So? It usually follows March.”

Elder explained that due to the area spring breaks taking place throughout March, nonprofits had moved their usual March events to April. Thus, April had become overloaded with fundraising activities.

From the gleeful look on her face, Queenie still didn’t get it. “Oh, just think of all the fun there’ll be had in April. Lunches, cocktail parties, dinners, lectures, patron parties, announcement receptions, check presentations! Loads and loads of opportunities to raise money for nonprofits. I simply can’t wait to see Tim, Hoda, Goldie, Martin, Amal, Tommy, Brene and the rest! I wonder if I’ll have time to get away for Elizabeth’s private birthday party?”

With all that name dropping, Elder realized that a reality check was necessary at this point. “Ma’am, you really need to look at the MySweetCharity Calendar. The Calendar elves are being treated for finger bruising from posting all the events. The other elves are hyperventilating at how all these activities are going to be handled.”

With that Queenie put on her reading glasses and pulled up the April calendar. With eyes bulging out, her head started spinning like a hula hoop. She returned to her wrinkle-remover chamber.

Queenie Proclaims Recent Sneezing And Wheezing May Be Only Temporary

It was so adorable this morning when Queenie arrived in her ceremonial robes and her favorite tiara topping a splashy sombrero. What was the occasion? Cinco de Mayo was still a couple of months away. Elder Elf, who had had his gray roots refreshened for the umpteenth time, approached the old gal asking, “O regal one, who was born with a platinum spoon in her fist, may I ask why you have chosen to accessorize your regal wardrobe with the Mexican influence?’

Looking around at her queendom, Queenie harrumphed, “Isn’t it really rather obvious?” It’s National Guacamole Day.”

Bracing himself for the response, Elder winced saying, “My royal special one, I believe that at last report Friday, September 16th is National Guacamole Day.”

Queenie would have wrinkled her brow, if her Botox had been double strength. Her pursed lips uttered, “Then what’s with all the guacamole in this place?’

Realizing that his sweet Queenie was way above normal frailties, Elder explained, “You see, Ma’am, the entire conclave of elves has been hit with allergies. Due to the unusually warm weather conditions, the trees and flowers are blooming and the elves are sneezing, wheezing and tearing up. And then there are those pesky bugs. ”

(Editor’s note: As everyone in the MSC universe knows, elves’ don’t sneeze, wheeze and tear up like humans. Their tears and other wet excretions are guacamole.)

Now understanding that she had totally misunderstood the situation, Queenie appeared to show possible signs of embarrassment. But embarrassment is not an emotion that her royal DNA had ever experienced. In fact, her great-great grandfather once said that no one associated with the family tree had ever been associated with such words like “ass-u-me” or embarr-ass-ment”.

Regaining her royal composure, she raised her perfectly engineered nose to new heights and announced to all, “Never fear, my darlings. My cantankerous cousin, Mother Nature has not taken off for her spring break. Just the other night over a delicious dinner of hummingbird-spun sugar cane, Lady Diana Fingers and champagne sweets, she whispered in my perfectly sculpted ear that a late February/early March freezer-deezer might make life interesting.”

So, if you, like the elves, are doing non-stop sneezing, having sleepless night and having an allergist on call 24/7, be hopeful. And for heavensakes, don’t stash those winter cozy clothes and toss the hot chocolate packets. Winter ain’t over until the fat Ma Nature sings and swings.

MySweetCharity’s Queenie Discovers Wondrous Things On Thanksgiving

Opening the doors to the main brain room of MySweetCharity headquarters, Queenie was filled with lifted nose and closed eyes this morning. For just a moment, she looked like Julie Andrews on top of the mountain. To the amazement of old and new, Queenie was happy.

Elder Elf approached her trying not to break the moment saying, “Your wondrous one, what has pleased you on this day?”

He was a tad bit worried since the elf staffing was on a holiday schedule and she might have noticed a shortage of short ones.

Like Scarlett O’Hara charming the Tarlton twins, she sashayed her way to her throne adjusting her newest tiara. Looking at Elder, she said, “I must confess today didn’t start out as I had planned. A distant, health-conscious cousin invited me to something called ‘The Turkey Trot,’ and you know how passionate I am about animals. Well, it turned out to be masses of people in T-shirts, shorts and running shoes. There wasn’t a gobbler in sight.”

Elder asked, “Did you take part in the run?”

Narrowing her overly-surgically-enhanced eyes Queenie said, “Heavens, no! I found my way back to MySweetCharity headquarters and took a wrong way down a hallway I had never seen. At the end of the passage, I discovered the most amazing site since Howard Carter discovered King Tut’s tomb. There was this room with so many wondrous things. And as if that wasn’t enough, there were the most amazing aromas arising from this room.”

As Queenie went into one of her mind-wandering periods, Elder and the vet elves gave each other the slinky eye.

Elder asked, “What was so amazing about this room?”

Queenie with closed eyes reliving the moment and head tilted to sky above recalled, “There were cabinets in which you could put bowls and they would come out in seconds with the most aromatic scents. When you plunged your spoon into the containers, the results were tantalizing. There was another shelf that produced buttery croissants and succulent delicacies like apple lattice and sweet potato pies that bubbled. Across the room was this huge cupboard. When I opened it, there were all types of frozen custards!”

No one had the heart to tell Queenie that she had discovered the MySweetCharity kitchen with its microwaves, ovens and Sub-Zero.

Have a happy and safe food-fest with friends, families and favorite critters.

Queenie Builds A Doghouse

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

The MySweetCharity morning shift of elves were hard at work when they heard pounding outside the MSC headquarters. Lo and behold, they discovered Queenie building a doghouse next to the MSC compost pile. On their chocolate milk and graham cracker break, they scurried outside to see the new puppy, but there was no dog. And they wondered why Queenie would put a puppy near the stinky heap.

A vote was taken and Ellery Elf was elected to ask Queenie if the pooch was on its way.

Without losing a beat in her pounding of nails, Queenie responded, “What makes you think we would be getting another dog?”

Ellery said it was the doghouse that she was constructing.

Queenie stopped her work and turned to look at Ellery. “Why would we ever put an animal outside and away from us?”

Ellery then asked what the doghouse was for.

Queenie told all the elves to gather around for a story.

It seems that last week a nonprofit put a shout-out to the media to gather for an announcement about the organization’s future plans. Following the press conference, a release was distributed quoting the head of the nonprofit.

Only problem? The statements were made by a man, not the female head of the group. She was out of town.

When the person who issued the release was asked about the misidentification of the speaker, no response came.

In another case, there was a presentation by another major nonprofit. Following the big event that had a number of the area’s leaders presenting others with awards, the PR person distributed the release with the wrong information about those involved. Two media outlets ran the articles based on the release. Luckily, MySweetCharity was not one of them.

“Oh, sweet Queenie, how can this be?” Ellery said, as tears of guacamole started streaming down the faces of the elves. They had never heard of such a thing.

Feeling sorry for the elves for losing their innocence, Queenie explained, “Public relations people are hardworking folks, who try to be the go-between their client and the media. That is not an easy job at all. However, when they knowingly provide totally incorrect information, they are ill serving their clients and damaging their credibility with the media.”

Seeing the elves shaken by such news, Elder Elf asked, “Oh Most Benevolent Queenie, what does this dastardly dilemma have to do with the doghouse?”

As Queenie turned around to hammer the last of the nails in place, she was heard to say, “It’s for those who think misinformation is acceptable.”

Register Now For Free Marketing And Public Relations Workshop For Nonprofits Featuring PRSA Dallas And Media Representatives

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

With the fundraising season up ahead, the nonprofits are gearing up to meet their financial goals. In order to get the funds, they need to get the word out. Unfortunately, not all can afford a fancy schmancy New York PR firm to promote their cause via branding, media and marketing.

So Queenie got together with her buddies at PRSA Dallas and Communities Foundation of Texas. They all agreed that it would be great if they partnered up “to give back by lending their time and expertise to deserving local causes.”

Since renting an RV and doing a roadshow presentation for area nonprofits didn’t seem very sensible, they decided to create Workshop for Nonprofits to Support Giving Season. It will be a half-day workshop on the morning of Friday, August 28, addressing “branding and messaging, media relations, digital marketing and social media skills with tips from the experts — including the media themselves.”

But then the next question was where to hold the workshop. That’s when Dean Foods stepped up to be the event sponsor and offered the place. That offer meant the event would be free for the nonprofit representatives. Yup, you saw that. The workshop is free for area nonprofits and PRSA members, but more about that later.

Here’s a rundown of topics and panelists:

  • Branding and Messaging: Carolyn Covey Morris (QMobius) and Vin Hoey (Strategic4sight)
  •  How to Effectively Communicate Your Message to the MediaRon Corning (WFAA-TV), Kristina Bowman (photographer), Jeanne Prejean (MySweetCharity) and Jane Rozelle (PaperCity Dallas)
  •  Building a Digital Community: Steve Lee (SMU), Mike Orren (Speakeasy) and Erin  Stevenson (Chili’s Grill & Bar)
  •  Nonprofit one-on-ones with PRSA Dallas mentors. Please note that to participate in this session, you must sign up during your online registration.

As mentioned before, the whole kit and caboodle will be free for any bona-fide nonprofit! Only problem is that you’ve got to sign up ASAP because space is gonna be as tight as a small-size Spanx shorts on Kim Kardashian.

This first-ever event is a great opportunity for the nonprofits to get the inside poop. Regarding the media segment, the panelists will address the ins-and-outs of how to work more smoothly with the press, so they don’t snarl every time you try to work with them. Yes, even Queenie will behave herself…sorta.

As MySweetCharity Elves Stress, Queenie Once Again Rises Above The Fray

When Queenie arrived at MySweetCharity headquarters this morning, she looked remarkably refreshed. As she bustled to the gourmet coffee bar, she took note of the elves busily updating the MSC yacht. In addition to not being at their traditional workstations, their little eyes were pulsating and their complexions were plaid. That only happens when elves have been stressed and/or have lacked sleep.

Narrowing her eyes and stretching out her neck to examine the situation more closely, Queenie asked Elder Elf, “Why are the elves working on the yacht instead of the day’s posts? Why do they looked so battered? And why are they wearing those gray wraps instead of their adorable TGIF outfits?”

Looking worse for wear, Elder Elf stepped away from supervising the yacht repairs and said, “Ma’am, between the past nights of lightning, thunder and flooding, I fear none of us have gotten a decent night’s sleep. It’s been so awful that they’ve had to wear ThunderShirts. Even the seahorse stables have flooded. We’re preparing the yacht for evacuation just in case, this situation continues. Obviously, you have proven once again how you can withstand such calamity. You look positively radiant.”

Instead of receiving this information with compassion and appreciation, the old girl shook her head and said, “What?”

Elder repeated his report that was once again met with a cranky look. Then she smiled and said, “Oh, wait, I forgot to take my earplugs out this morning. So, what was that you were saying, Elder?”

Elder simply smiled and returned to the yacht. Queenie left for an appointment with Annie Leibovitz to shoot Queenie’s selfie.

MySweetCharity Policy Announcement: Only Nets To Be Accepted

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

Queenie arrived with an entourage this morning all huffy. Not the entourage. They’re nice elves, unicorns and angelfish. Queenie looked at the Elder Elf and handed him a freshly laid egg.

The old elf thanked her and asked her, “How am I to interpret this item, O Mighty One Who Makes My Eyes Water?”

With her painfully perfect posture, the old gal said, “When we receive gushing information about funds raised for nonprofits, it is like the egg.”

With wrinkled brow, EE pushed the issue: “And why is fundraising information like an egg, Oh One Who Makes Me Wonder Why I Showed Up For Work?”

With a weary tone in her voice, she replied, “I gave you an egg. You don’t know what it contains until the egg is cracked and the results are shown. A baby duck. A baby crocodile. So, it goes with the flood of releases boasting how much has been raised. But after the expenses are tallied, the question is how much actually went to the beneficiary?”

Leaning over to EE, Queenie whispered, “I happen to know of a group or two that have claimed to have raised incredible amounts for charities, but after the expenses were counted. . . well, honey, I can tell you that a garage sale would have been more beneficial.”

Pulling out his quill pen, the aged elf, who has been in the same position before countless times, prepared to write the latest entry in the MySweetCharity book of rules.

Queenie harrumphed herself, sat on her double-cushioned throne and waved her scepter — “From this point on, we shall only post news about the net amount that will be handed over to the charity/nonprofit.”

Queenie Discovers The Remedy For North Texas Disease

This morning Queenie arrived fresh from a world conference on disease control. With chin lifted to Alps heights, she admitted, “I simply feel like Madame Curie!”

One of the MSC newbie elves asked Elder Elf, “Who’s Madame Curie? Did she run a New Orleans leisure house?”

Making a crinkly face, Elder told the newbie to sit quietly in the corner and just listen.

“Oh, One Who Knows No Bounds in Brilliance, pray tell what discovery have you made in the world of science?” asked diplomatic Elder to Queenie, who quite frankly had overstayed her time with her on-retainer plastic surgeon.

Queenie announced that a disease had invaded North Texas homes resulting in the dreaded over-extended, winter blues crankiness. [It’s commonly known as “cabin fever.”]

Evidently other leaders in the world of disease control had recommended alcohol, drugs and (please ask the children to stop reading) sex. Queenie had regally come up with the cure dumbfounding the other brain-iacs.

Thinking outside the crown, she recommended the following treatment:

“Get the heck out of your houses! Go to a restaurant! Go to a non-profit fundraiser like Empty Bowls, DIFFA! Go to Dallas Blooms, the Dallas Zoo, Klyde Warren Park, the incredible museums (Perot, DMA, Nasher, Holocaust, African American, Latino, Bush, etc.)! Just get the heck out of your contaminated ‘cabin fever’ ladened house/condo/apartment/stall.”

With that Queenie headed to one of her fav shopping spots to replace her cabin fever blues with some new trinkets.

As she disappeared from sight, Elder told the newbie to take a long walk around White Rock. Elder headed to a movie.

Queenie Becomes A Bag Hag

Elder Elf spied Queenie heading out the door with her Louis Vuitton Leather steamer trunk. He was a little surprised since the old gal had just returned from a junket to Dubai for New Year’s.

He asked her, “On another world tour, Ma’am?”

She looked annoyed and answered, “No.”

Elder was permitted to ask a second question, “Then, where are you taking your luggage?”

Her answer: “The grocery to pick up some goodies for a ‘We Survived the Holidays Party.’”

It seems that Queenie had heard at the nail sharpening salon that a new Dallas ordinance required customers to bring their own bags to the store.

Elder took Queenie aside for a talk.

BTW, the new bag ordinance that kicked off January 1 has received mixed reviews. Some people applaud the effort for being more environmentally responsible. Others resent the extra hassle of bringing bags or paying extra for the banned bags.

But the new development has also resulted in a group of people being verbally abused — clerks and cashiers. These folks are not responsible for the passing of the ordinance. They are simply doing their jobs that now require them to implement the ban.

Whatever your feelings about the new bag restrictions, share them with your city council representative. Check those complaints when it comes to your checker.

May Your Christmas Be Filled With Music

Queenie and the MySweetCharity elves have packed their bags and are heading to Just Room Enough Island to celebrate the North Pole elves’s hardwork. They’re even expecting the Irish leprechauns, British hobbits, Mexican duendes, French faeries and other worldly whimsicals to join them. It’s going to be a grand time of lighter-than-air dancing, drinking ultra-rich cocoa and dining on delights prepared by Mrs. Claus and the Sugar Plum Fairy.

However, before Elder Elf blew out the last candle at MySweetCharity world-headquarters and put away his quill, he sent word that the elves had left behind a gift. Starting a bit after midnight, they’ve arranged to have all types of Christmas music to play during the day starting with an all-out choir and ending with a restful lullaby or two.

So, if you need some music to while away the hours, check MSC.

Merry Christmas to all and to all — thank you.