Queenie Blows Back To MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

The MySweetCharity global headquarters was shaken this morning. One of the elves scampered through the compound like Paul Revere: “She’s here! She’s here! She’s here!” There was just a way that the word “she” was shouted that there was no doubt who was indeed here.

As Queenie waddled her way to her throne room, Elder Elf pulled himself together to broach the old dowager.

Like “The Tudors’” Sam Neill, he bowed and gingerly asked, “We have missed your wonderfulness. Pray tell? Have we done something that has prevented your splendor from being with us?”

Snorting into a super-super-strength Puffs like a whale blowing through its blowhole, she looked at Elder through her kryptonite sunglasses.

“I had a fabulous winter. Visited a friend who was building a floating palace in the Mediterranean. Comforted another gal who was shedding her starter husband. Watched another lady who overdosed on plastic surgery. Had no idea that eyebrows could reach to the back of your neck.”

Despite his hunger for more delicious details about the world outside, Elder still noted how none would have warranted Queenie’s cheaters and terribly obvious sniffs.

“But, Ma’am, why do I sense your being not gloriously happy yourself?” Elder asked. He’s a smart old elf.

Queenie pulled off the shades and glowered at Elder saying, “It is a problem that faces only the very special amongst us. Some call it the flu; other say it’s a ‘nasty head cold;’ and still some swear it off as allergies due to the wanton ways of the season. Doesn’t matter. From my shoulders up, I have become the Trevi Fountain. I have been forced to replace my Cristal with NyQuil. How I shudder at that very admission! You and the elves are so fortunate to be so common that you’re not afflicted with this condition.”

With that, Queenie clutched her case of designer-made tissues and her crystal jug of NyQuil and settled into a state of sneezing, wheezing, and overall grumpiness.

Hey! There are times when it ain’t so great to be Queenie.

The Great Girl Scout Cookie Debate Nearly Results In An Elf Brawl

The debates have not ended! The MySweetCharity espresso barroom was the scene of a near brawl this afternoon. With her eminence Queenie sitting on her throne as judge, she listened to two teams of elves argue, complain and decry the lack of knowledge of the other group. At one point it got so ugly that one debater stuck his purple tongue out.

Girl Scout S’more*

Girl Scout Samoa*

The subject? Which Girl Scout cookies were better — old favorite Samoas (aka Caramel Delites) or the new cookie on the block S’mores? The S’mores team argued that there are S’mores and then there are S’Mores. The Samoas group claimed the other side was nuts not to love the coconut-laden Samoas.

Girl Scout Thin Mint*

At one point it got so ugly that one debater stuck his … that’s right … purple tongue out. Queenie had had enough and ordered a time out. After 10 minutes Elder Elf notified the old gal that it hadn’t worked. In fact the elf gallery was now complaining that both sides were wrong. Thin Mints topped the other two and they were staging a protest in front of the MSC headquarters.

Making a Solomon decision, Queenie told Elder, “Get me a crate of each and I shall make the final decision.”

Elder sought the request here to provide Queenie with crates of cookies. One can only suspect that Queenie’s New Year’s resolution of losing that 50 pounds was history, as she waddled to her chambers with a wheelbarrel filled with the boxes of cookies.

But don’t wait to learn Queenie’s decision. The Girl Scouts are officially kicking off sale of the cookies (Girls Scouts S’more, Thin Mints, Caramel deLites/Samoas, Peanut Butter Patties/Tagalongs, Shortbread/Trefoils, Do-si-Dos/Peanut Butter Sandwich, Lemonades, Savannah Smiles, Thanks-A-Lot, Toffee-tastic and Trios) on Friday. They (the cookies, not the Scouts) can be ordered directly from a Scout or online.

Girl Scout cookie sales*

And look to downtown Dallas Friday night for dazzling signs of the great cookie takeover. The Bank of America Plaza will shine green and white; One Arts Place’s unique green square will dazzle; and the Omni Dallas Hotel will feature “the Girl Scout logo in green displaying the message, ‘Cookie Time.’”  

* Photos provided by the Girl Scouts

Queenie Has Her Own Version Of Voting Requirements

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

As Queenie arrived with her usual pomp-and-ho-hum, Elder Elf approached her. Gingerly, he asked, “Ma’am, did you know that early voting has gotten underway today?”

With head raised (this time it didn’t hit the ceiling), she nodded just slightly so that her tiara would not go askew.

Daring to broach the issue, Elder queried, “As you probably know, there have been some new requirements about voting. I just wanted to review them with you. Here they are:”

A voter who has not been issued a driver’s license or social security number may register to vote, but such voter must submit proof of identification when presenting himself/herself for voting or with his/her mail-in ballots, if voting by mail. These voters’ names are flagged on the official voter registration list with the annotation of “ID.” The “ID” notation instructs the poll worker to request a proper form of identification from these voters when they present themselves for voting, unless they are a voter with a permanent exemption on the voter registration certificate. The voter must present one of the seven (7) acceptable forms of identification:

  • Texas driver license issued by the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS)
  • Texas Election Identification Certificate issued by DPS
  • Texas personal identification card issued by DPS
  • Texas concealed handgun license issued by DPS
  • United States military identification card containing the person’s photograph
  • United States citizenship certificate containing the person’s photograph
  • United States passport

Putting on her monocle, Queenie reviewed the list and dismissed it, saying, “I have far better credentials than these.”

Raising his scraggly eyebrows, Elder said, “Please share with us your references, so that we can recommend them to the authorities.”

With nose raised high, Queenie reported that she had had the obstetrician who delivered her provide a notarized statement saying that she was indeed born in the United States with photos of the delivery.

Shaking his head, Elder didn’t have the heart to suggest that might not work. Instead he dared to ask, “May I be so bold to ask for whom you are voting?”

Expressing a slight look of shock (her latest shot of Botox had not settled in yet), Queenie responded, “As my dear Queen Mummy told me when I was a little Queenie-in-training, ‘One must never discuss sex, politics, religion or one’s plastic surgeon.’”

April Is Going To Be Gangbusters, So Fasten Your Seat Belts

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

Having just emerged from her wrinkle-remover chamber, Queenie arrived at MySweetCharity headquarters to find not an elf in sight. This simply couldn’t be. After all, MSC elves have no life outside MSC. Clearing her throat, nothing happened. Hmm, that usually gets results.

She announced, “The last elf to appear will have lunch with me today.” With that, all elves popped up. No one wanted to be the last one.

Beckoning Elder Elf over, Queenie raised her perfectly engineered right eyebrow and asked, “So, what’s up?”

Trembling, Elder stammered trying to speak. Queenie harrumphed, “Enough with the theatrics. Just put a subject and verb together and tell me exactly what’s the problem. Was the croissant delivery late?”

Elder straightened up and said, “It’s April.”

Queenie wasn’t getting it. She replied, “So? It usually follows March.”

Elder explained that due to the area spring breaks taking place throughout March, nonprofits had moved their usual March events to April. Thus, April had become overloaded with fundraising activities.

From the gleeful look on her face, Queenie still didn’t get it. “Oh, just think of all the fun there’ll be had in April. Lunches, cocktail parties, dinners, lectures, patron parties, announcement receptions, check presentations! Loads and loads of opportunities to raise money for nonprofits. I simply can’t wait to see Tim, Hoda, Goldie, Martin, Amal, Tommy, Brene and the rest! I wonder if I’ll have time to get away for Elizabeth’s private birthday party?”

With all that name dropping, Elder realized that a reality check was necessary at this point. “Ma’am, you really need to look at the MySweetCharity Calendar. The Calendar elves are being treated for finger bruising from posting all the events. The other elves are hyperventilating at how all these activities are going to be handled.”

With that Queenie put on her reading glasses and pulled up the April calendar. With eyes bulging out, her head started spinning like a hula hoop. She returned to her wrinkle-remover chamber.

Queenie Proclaims Recent Sneezing And Wheezing May Be Only Temporary

It was so adorable this morning when Queenie arrived in her ceremonial robes and her favorite tiara topping a splashy sombrero. What was the occasion? Cinco de Mayo was still a couple of months away. Elder Elf, who had had his gray roots refreshened for the umpteenth time, approached the old gal asking, “O regal one, who was born with a platinum spoon in her fist, may I ask why you have chosen to accessorize your regal wardrobe with the Mexican influence?’

Looking around at her queendom, Queenie harrumphed, “Isn’t it really rather obvious?” It’s National Guacamole Day.”

Bracing himself for the response, Elder winced saying, “My royal special one, I believe that at last report Friday, September 16th is National Guacamole Day.”

Queenie would have wrinkled her brow, if her Botox had been double strength. Her pursed lips uttered, “Then what’s with all the guacamole in this place?’

Realizing that his sweet Queenie was way above normal frailties, Elder explained, “You see, Ma’am, the entire conclave of elves has been hit with allergies. Due to the unusually warm weather conditions, the trees and flowers are blooming and the elves are sneezing, wheezing and tearing up. And then there are those pesky bugs. ”

(Editor’s note: As everyone in the MSC universe knows, elves’ don’t sneeze, wheeze and tear up like humans. Their tears and other wet excretions are guacamole.)

Now understanding that she had totally misunderstood the situation, Queenie appeared to show possible signs of embarrassment. But embarrassment is not an emotion that her royal DNA had ever experienced. In fact, her great-great grandfather once said that no one associated with the family tree had ever been associated with such words like “ass-u-me” or embarr-ass-ment”.

Regaining her royal composure, she raised her perfectly engineered nose to new heights and announced to all, “Never fear, my darlings. My cantankerous cousin, Mother Nature has not taken off for her spring break. Just the other night over a delicious dinner of hummingbird-spun sugar cane, Lady Diana Fingers and champagne sweets, she whispered in my perfectly sculpted ear that a late February/early March freezer-deezer might make life interesting.”

So, if you, like the elves, are doing non-stop sneezing, having sleepless night and having an allergist on call 24/7, be hopeful. And for heavensakes, don’t stash those winter cozy clothes and toss the hot chocolate packets. Winter ain’t over until the fat Ma Nature sings and swings.

MySweetCharity’s Queenie Discovers Wondrous Things On Thanksgiving

Opening the doors to the main brain room of MySweetCharity headquarters, Queenie was filled with lifted nose and closed eyes this morning. For just a moment, she looked like Julie Andrews on top of the mountain. To the amazement of old and new, Queenie was happy.

Elder Elf approached her trying not to break the moment saying, “Your wondrous one, what has pleased you on this day?”

He was a tad bit worried since the elf staffing was on a holiday schedule and she might have noticed a shortage of short ones.

Like Scarlett O’Hara charming the Tarlton twins, she sashayed her way to her throne adjusting her newest tiara. Looking at Elder, she said, “I must confess today didn’t start out as I had planned. A distant, health-conscious cousin invited me to something called ‘The Turkey Trot,’ and you know how passionate I am about animals. Well, it turned out to be masses of people in T-shirts, shorts and running shoes. There wasn’t a gobbler in sight.”

Elder asked, “Did you take part in the run?”

Narrowing her overly-surgically-enhanced eyes Queenie said, “Heavens, no! I found my way back to MySweetCharity headquarters and took a wrong way down a hallway I had never seen. At the end of the passage, I discovered the most amazing site since Howard Carter discovered King Tut’s tomb. There was this room with so many wondrous things. And as if that wasn’t enough, there were the most amazing aromas arising from this room.”

As Queenie went into one of her mind-wandering periods, Elder and the vet elves gave each other the slinky eye.

Elder asked, “What was so amazing about this room?”

Queenie with closed eyes reliving the moment and head tilted to sky above recalled, “There were cabinets in which you could put bowls and they would come out in seconds with the most aromatic scents. When you plunged your spoon into the containers, the results were tantalizing. There was another shelf that produced buttery croissants and succulent delicacies like apple lattice and sweet potato pies that bubbled. Across the room was this huge cupboard. When I opened it, there were all types of frozen custards!”

No one had the heart to tell Queenie that she had discovered the MySweetCharity kitchen with its microwaves, ovens and Sub-Zero.

Have a happy and safe food-fest with friends, families and favorite critters.

Queenie Builds A Doghouse

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

The MySweetCharity morning shift of elves were hard at work when they heard pounding outside the MSC headquarters. Lo and behold, they discovered Queenie building a doghouse next to the MSC compost pile. On their chocolate milk and graham cracker break, they scurried outside to see the new puppy, but there was no dog. And they wondered why Queenie would put a puppy near the stinky heap.

A vote was taken and Ellery Elf was elected to ask Queenie if the pooch was on its way.

Without losing a beat in her pounding of nails, Queenie responded, “What makes you think we would be getting another dog?”

Ellery said it was the doghouse that she was constructing.

Queenie stopped her work and turned to look at Ellery. “Why would we ever put an animal outside and away from us?”

Ellery then asked what the doghouse was for.

Queenie told all the elves to gather around for a story.

It seems that last week a nonprofit put a shout-out to the media to gather for an announcement about the organization’s future plans. Following the press conference, a release was distributed quoting the head of the nonprofit.

Only problem? The statements were made by a man, not the female head of the group. She was out of town.

When the person who issued the release was asked about the misidentification of the speaker, no response came.

In another case, there was a presentation by another major nonprofit. Following the big event that had a number of the area’s leaders presenting others with awards, the PR person distributed the release with the wrong information about those involved. Two media outlets ran the articles based on the release. Luckily, MySweetCharity was not one of them.

“Oh, sweet Queenie, how can this be?” Ellery said, as tears of guacamole started streaming down the faces of the elves. They had never heard of such a thing.

Feeling sorry for the elves for losing their innocence, Queenie explained, “Public relations people are hardworking folks, who try to be the go-between their client and the media. That is not an easy job at all. However, when they knowingly provide totally incorrect information, they are ill serving their clients and damaging their credibility with the media.”

Seeing the elves shaken by such news, Elder Elf asked, “Oh Most Benevolent Queenie, what does this dastardly dilemma have to do with the doghouse?”

As Queenie turned around to hammer the last of the nails in place, she was heard to say, “It’s for those who think misinformation is acceptable.”

Register Now For Free Marketing And Public Relations Workshop For Nonprofits Featuring PRSA Dallas And Media Representatives

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

With the fundraising season up ahead, the nonprofits are gearing up to meet their financial goals. In order to get the funds, they need to get the word out. Unfortunately, not all can afford a fancy schmancy New York PR firm to promote their cause via branding, media and marketing.

So Queenie got together with her buddies at PRSA Dallas and Communities Foundation of Texas. They all agreed that it would be great if they partnered up “to give back by lending their time and expertise to deserving local causes.”

Since renting an RV and doing a roadshow presentation for area nonprofits didn’t seem very sensible, they decided to create Workshop for Nonprofits to Support Giving Season. It will be a half-day workshop on the morning of Friday, August 28, addressing “branding and messaging, media relations, digital marketing and social media skills with tips from the experts — including the media themselves.”

But then the next question was where to hold the workshop. That’s when Dean Foods stepped up to be the event sponsor and offered the place. That offer meant the event would be free for the nonprofit representatives. Yup, you saw that. The workshop is free for area nonprofits and PRSA members, but more about that later.

Here’s a rundown of topics and panelists:

  • Branding and Messaging: Carolyn Covey Morris (QMobius) and Vin Hoey (Strategic4sight)
  •  How to Effectively Communicate Your Message to the MediaRon Corning (WFAA-TV), Kristina Bowman (photographer), Jeanne Prejean (MySweetCharity) and Jane Rozelle (PaperCity Dallas)
  •  Building a Digital Community: Steve Lee (SMU), Mike Orren (Speakeasy) and Erin  Stevenson (Chili’s Grill & Bar)
  •  Nonprofit one-on-ones with PRSA Dallas mentors. Please note that to participate in this session, you must sign up during your online registration.

As mentioned before, the whole kit and caboodle will be free for any bona-fide nonprofit! Only problem is that you’ve got to sign up ASAP because space is gonna be as tight as a small-size Spanx shorts on Kim Kardashian.

This first-ever event is a great opportunity for the nonprofits to get the inside poop. Regarding the media segment, the panelists will address the ins-and-outs of how to work more smoothly with the press, so they don’t snarl every time you try to work with them. Yes, even Queenie will behave herself…sorta.

As MySweetCharity Elves Stress, Queenie Once Again Rises Above The Fray

When Queenie arrived at MySweetCharity headquarters this morning, she looked remarkably refreshed. As she bustled to the gourmet coffee bar, she took note of the elves busily updating the MSC yacht. In addition to not being at their traditional workstations, their little eyes were pulsating and their complexions were plaid. That only happens when elves have been stressed and/or have lacked sleep.

Narrowing her eyes and stretching out her neck to examine the situation more closely, Queenie asked Elder Elf, “Why are the elves working on the yacht instead of the day’s posts? Why do they looked so battered? And why are they wearing those gray wraps instead of their adorable TGIF outfits?”

Looking worse for wear, Elder Elf stepped away from supervising the yacht repairs and said, “Ma’am, between the past nights of lightning, thunder and flooding, I fear none of us have gotten a decent night’s sleep. It’s been so awful that they’ve had to wear ThunderShirts. Even the seahorse stables have flooded. We’re preparing the yacht for evacuation just in case, this situation continues. Obviously, you have proven once again how you can withstand such calamity. You look positively radiant.”

Instead of receiving this information with compassion and appreciation, the old girl shook her head and said, “What?”

Elder repeated his report that was once again met with a cranky look. Then she smiled and said, “Oh, wait, I forgot to take my earplugs out this morning. So, what was that you were saying, Elder?”

Elder simply smiled and returned to the yacht. Queenie left for an appointment with Annie Leibovitz to shoot Queenie’s selfie.

MySweetCharity Policy Announcement: Only Nets To Be Accepted

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

Queenie arrived with an entourage this morning all huffy. Not the entourage. They’re nice elves, unicorns and angelfish. Queenie looked at the Elder Elf and handed him a freshly laid egg.

The old elf thanked her and asked her, “How am I to interpret this item, O Mighty One Who Makes My Eyes Water?”

With her painfully perfect posture, the old gal said, “When we receive gushing information about funds raised for nonprofits, it is like the egg.”

With wrinkled brow, EE pushed the issue: “And why is fundraising information like an egg, Oh One Who Makes Me Wonder Why I Showed Up For Work?”

With a weary tone in her voice, she replied, “I gave you an egg. You don’t know what it contains until the egg is cracked and the results are shown. A baby duck. A baby crocodile. So, it goes with the flood of releases boasting how much has been raised. But after the expenses are tallied, the question is how much actually went to the beneficiary?”

Leaning over to EE, Queenie whispered, “I happen to know of a group or two that have claimed to have raised incredible amounts for charities, but after the expenses were counted. . . well, honey, I can tell you that a garage sale would have been more beneficial.”

Pulling out his quill pen, the aged elf, who has been in the same position before countless times, prepared to write the latest entry in the MySweetCharity book of rules.

Queenie harrumphed herself, sat on her double-cushioned throne and waved her scepter — “From this point on, we shall only post news about the net amount that will be handed over to the charity/nonprofit.”

Queenie Discovers The Remedy For North Texas Disease

This morning Queenie arrived fresh from a world conference on disease control. With chin lifted to Alps heights, she admitted, “I simply feel like Madame Curie!”

One of the MSC newbie elves asked Elder Elf, “Who’s Madame Curie? Did she run a New Orleans leisure house?”

Making a crinkly face, Elder told the newbie to sit quietly in the corner and just listen.

“Oh, One Who Knows No Bounds in Brilliance, pray tell what discovery have you made in the world of science?” asked diplomatic Elder to Queenie, who quite frankly had overstayed her time with her on-retainer plastic surgeon.

Queenie announced that a disease had invaded North Texas homes resulting in the dreaded over-extended, winter blues crankiness. [It’s commonly known as “cabin fever.”]

Evidently other leaders in the world of disease control had recommended alcohol, drugs and (please ask the children to stop reading) sex. Queenie had regally come up with the cure dumbfounding the other brain-iacs.

Thinking outside the crown, she recommended the following treatment:

“Get the heck out of your houses! Go to a restaurant! Go to a non-profit fundraiser like Empty Bowls, DIFFA! Go to Dallas Blooms, the Dallas Zoo, Klyde Warren Park, the incredible museums (Perot, DMA, Nasher, Holocaust, African American, Latino, Bush, etc.)! Just get the heck out of your contaminated ‘cabin fever’ ladened house/condo/apartment/stall.”

With that Queenie headed to one of her fav shopping spots to replace her cabin fever blues with some new trinkets.

As she disappeared from sight, Elder told the newbie to take a long walk around White Rock. Elder headed to a movie.

Queenie Becomes A Bag Hag

Elder Elf spied Queenie heading out the door with her Louis Vuitton Leather steamer trunk. He was a little surprised since the old gal had just returned from a junket to Dubai for New Year’s.

He asked her, “On another world tour, Ma’am?”

She looked annoyed and answered, “No.”

Elder was permitted to ask a second question, “Then, where are you taking your luggage?”

Her answer: “The grocery to pick up some goodies for a ‘We Survived the Holidays Party.’”

It seems that Queenie had heard at the nail sharpening salon that a new Dallas ordinance required customers to bring their own bags to the store.

Elder took Queenie aside for a talk.

BTW, the new bag ordinance that kicked off January 1 has received mixed reviews. Some people applaud the effort for being more environmentally responsible. Others resent the extra hassle of bringing bags or paying extra for the banned bags.

But the new development has also resulted in a group of people being verbally abused — clerks and cashiers. These folks are not responsible for the passing of the ordinance. They are simply doing their jobs that now require them to implement the ban.

Whatever your feelings about the new bag restrictions, share them with your city council representative. Check those complaints when it comes to your checker.

May Your Christmas Be Filled With Music

Queenie and the MySweetCharity elves have packed their bags and are heading to Just Room Enough Island to celebrate the North Pole elves’s hardwork. They’re even expecting the Irish leprechauns, British hobbits, Mexican duendes, French faeries and other worldly whimsicals to join them. It’s going to be a grand time of lighter-than-air dancing, drinking ultra-rich cocoa and dining on delights prepared by Mrs. Claus and the Sugar Plum Fairy.

However, before Elder Elf blew out the last candle at MySweetCharity world-headquarters and put away his quill, he sent word that the elves had left behind a gift. Starting a bit after midnight, they’ve arranged to have all types of Christmas music to play during the day starting with an all-out choir and ending with a restful lullaby or two.

So, if you need some music to while away the hours, check MSC.

Merry Christmas to all and to all — thank you.

A Broken Heart Is Broken Again

This morning’s mailbag brought in a missive that had the MSC elves in a dizzy tizzy. Putting on his specs, Elder Elf read it to the group:

“Hello,
“ My name is #*%{>~^.  I’ve attached the following story on your Sweet Charity site from two years ago. I would like to kindly request to have it removed from the internet , or at the very least to remove the section about my girlfriend at the time. We broke up over a year ago and I am clearing the internet of any and all associations with her. Cleansing my google search from any connections to her. This is the last piece online remaining and id really like to have it cleared.
“Please let me know if this would be possible. I hope you can comply with my request.
“Very best
“#*%{>~^”

The hard-as-nails copy desk elf with candy cigar clenched in his teeth complained, “The post is accurate. It was about a fundraising event that honored certain people. He was the one who made the big deal of his relationship. Why, he even announced it from the stage. What does he think we are? A dating service?”

The office manager elf started shaking violently saying, “With all the divorces taking place nowadays, we’d have to have a department that would be dedicated just to changing statuses.”

A well-read pixie put her two cents in, commenting, “I think he must be confusing this with the bizarre decision of the European courts to have Google overseas remove links at the request of individuals (not actual stories, but links).  First off, it doesn’t apply in the U.S. and secondly, it doesn’t apply to individual stories anywhere. Sheesh. Are we living in Orwellian times, or what?  Changing the past to suit the present….yikes.”

Just then Queenie made her presence known, sobbing into her monogrammed hankie that Catherine the Great had given her.

“Now, now, O Illustrious One, you mustn’t take it so hard that the poor lad is on a quest to eliminate the memory of a relationship that soured,” said Elder Elf.

Queenie wiped away her tears saying, “His heart was broken a year ago and now we must break it again.” As she turned to leave, she looked at Elder saying, “The post stays put.”

A Christmas Day Feast Lost And Found Thanks To The MySweetCharity Duchess Of Great Acts Of Kindness

Christmas Day was rather chaotic around MySweetCharity headquarters. The MSC elves had planned a true feast at the end of the day for the Clauses and their North Pole elves. Unfortunately, while we were out untethering the reindeer from Santa’s sleigh, the MSC pandas snuck in and ate everything. To make things even worse, the electricity went out, so there would be no movie watching nor video game playing as planned.

We were all in tears and fears. Whatever would we do? And what would Queenie do when she woke from her holiday nap?

But she surprised us. . . even Santa’s elves, who knew well of Queenie’s temperament.

As she entered the Great Room with lantern in hand, she had tears running down her old, fat cheeks. Was it because of the disaster that had struck our celebration? No, it seems that she had just been notified by carrier pigeon that the Duchess of Great Acts of Kindness had made an “extremely generous donation” to buy toys for extremely needy children on behalf of MSC.

Looking around the room, Queenie asked why everyone else was crying, too. When we told her of the loss of our Christmas dinner and electricity, she told one and all to “dry up and get over it.” Immediately she sent elves scurrying for scented candles. Next she told the pixies to scrounge up board games and jigsaw puzzles. Then she turned to the brownies in from Santa Fe and told them to light up the mammoth fireplaces with pinon wood. Grabbing the sugar plum fairies, she hauled them into the kitchen. That in itself was amazing, because most of us didn’t think she knew where it was. A half hour later, the entire headquarters was smelling wonderfully and glowing. Just then Queenie and fairies emerged with all types of fixin’s — peppermint cocoa topped with marshmallows, homemade eggnog shooters, frosted cinnamon rolls, a 2’ tall smore, vanilla sundaes with peanut-brittle sprinkles and a sea-salt covered caramel cake.

The rest of the evening games and puzzles were played by candlelight and the burning logs. Everyone seemed to look so much better in the glow of the flickering lights. And conversations and giggles flowed as the games and puzzles were underway. A sugar high was achieved by all.

As the last of the other elves fell asleep in their trundle beds, Queenie waddled back to her hibernation chamber with a smile. I asked her if the reason was the fact that she had saved the day for MSC’s holiday celebration? No. She said the party had been fun, but it was the Duchess, who had inspired Queenie to appreciate what MSC had, and not what they lacked.

Queenie Calls St. Nick About MySweetWishList

MySweetCharity

MySweetCharity

Queenie just placed a call into Santa to invite the old boy for cocktails on December 26. The conversation started with, “Nick, we definitely need to talk. We’ve been inundated with wishes from Dallas nonprofits. The elves have been pounding their itty bitty keyboards non-stop trying to keep up with all the requests. How do you do it?”

Yes, MySweetWishList has been way too successful in providing a forum for nonprofits to let area sweethearts know their needs. For this reason, we’re going to commit the day to revealing a whole bunch of them.

Perhaps in the days leading up to Christmas, you might consider sharing some of your good fortune with one. If not, perhaps you’ll spot a group that you might want to get to know better personally in the year ahead.

MySweetCharity’s Queenie Loves Working With PR People But They Won’t Be Seen Around Here

Queenie was reviewing some photos that had been submitted by a couple of nonprofits about their recent fundraising. They were great looking photos and should have been. Professional photographers and beautiful people tend to make for the best-looking pieces of artwork.

Then the old Q made a fussy face and pointed at one of the people in the photographs — “I know her. Wasn’t she the public relations person who was promoting the event?”

While the elves gave each other the sideway eyes, Elder Elf peered over Q’s shoulder and said that, “Yes, indeed it is she. Thought she did a nice job of getting the materials to us within the 48-hour window.”

Getting eye-to-eye with Elder, Queenie narrowed her cat-like eyes and smiled deliciously. “Was she not paid to promote the event, the sponsors and the paying guests?”

Elder knew where this conversation was going as he nodded in agreement.

Raising her right eyebrow and stroking her scrawny neck, Q continued, “So, let’s say I had paid money to be at this event, or even a larger amount of money to put on the party. Then instead of seeing my flawless face among those at the party, I see the paid PR person’s too-young-for-Botox face instead. . .”

Elder shrugged his shoulders, turned away from Queenie and went to the ledger where the MySweetCharity policies, like “No wire hangars,” are written. Guess what the latest entry is?

Queenie Recalls The Night That A Portly Chap Souped It Up Much To The Chagrin Of The Serving Staff

It’s not often, but occasionally Queenie will join the elves in the cocoa-sipping room for their afternoon break. At these times the old gal will recall something from her past days of yore.

Today was one of those recollection days.

As she settled into her overly cushy throne, she told of attending a débutante presentation dinner decades ago. The debs were all in voluptuous white ball gowns looking like porcelain dolls engulfed in delicious meringue. The men’s club members were so elegant in white ties and tails. Each of the young gentlemen had a “junior” or a number following his name on his place card. These guests were the cream of Dallas society. Why, someone claimed that one portly chap was the descendant of a man who helped John Neely Bryan build his cabin.

All the waiting staff seemed to be tall with perfect posture as each course was served with the precision of the Kilgore Rangerettes.

It was during the serving of one of the courses that Queenie remembered like a kitten who had just snagged her first bird. After the entrée had been removed, beautiful bowls with lemon slices floating in clear liquid were perfectly placed before each guest. Portly Chap picked up the remaining spoon at his place, dipped it into his bowl and proceeded to slurp it up. All but Queenie followed suit. When her table companion asked her why she wasn’t interested in her “soup,” she smiled holding back a wave of giggles and said she was simply too full.

Another guest consoled her saying, “Don’t worry. It’s pretty bland.” Over the shoulder of Portly Chap, the senior server grimaced.

As Senior Server and the other staff member removed the now partially empty bowls, they quickly placed dessert in front of the guests and poured coffee. Portly Chap made a pouty face. He called over Senior Server.

“We don’t have spoons for our coffee!” Portly said, obviously not please.

Without missing a beat, Senior Server apologized and provided spoons.

Ma Nature’s Threats Don’t Discourage Cattle Baron’s Plans To Raise Funds To Fight Cancer And Party For A 40th Year, So There

After appearing on WFAA’s way-early morning show with Ron Corning this A.M., Cattle Baron’s Ball Co-Chairs Mary Gill and Brooke Shelby and the CBB committee gathered today, compared notes and compared notes and compared notes. After checking with the best weather experts around and the event producers, they reaffirmed the plan to have the Saturday shindig at Southfork.

OK, so why the question? Evidently some of the weather-meisters have been saying there might be rainy weather in the area. Anyone who has lived in North Texas knows the weather changes hourly, so who knows what’s gonna happen Saturday.

MySweetCharity’s Queenie did get her buddy Ma Nature to fess up that there might be some rain in the morning, resulting in a cold front in the area.

What does that mean? Morning rain and a day of temps in the upper 60’s. Yummy! Around the MySweetCharity universe, this is considered cuddling time. So, haul out those lavish leathers, swell suedes and fabulous furs (both real and faux). Don’t forget they all go with those boots that have been playing second fiddle to the stilettos in your closet for way too long.

Since the CBB gals are busily prepping for Saturday, there’s no need to call and check in with them. They’re headed up north to Plano, and so should you on Saturday.

As Queenie noted: “’Spur on’ and get your chaps to Southfork to whip up on cancer!”

Labor Day Launches The Fundraising Season, The Changing Of Queenie’s Closets And New Slippers With Bells For The Elves

It’s Labor Day, one of the MySweetCharity elves’ favorite days. On this day Queenie’s spring/summer closet is replaced by her fall/winter closet. It’s such a happening.

This afternoon the elves all lined the boulevard leading to MSC headquarters as two towering cranes arrived. Like a skilled surgeon, the first crane placed hooks on the vast complex of closets with islands topped with marble, cedar closets, shoe racks and walls of mirrors. After it was hoisted and driven away, the second crane carefully replaced it with its winter counterpart just busting with all types of tiaras, couture gowns with elongated trains and her collection of Ming Dynasty silk robes enhanced by the forbidden stitch.

While all of that was going on, the MSC elves were being fitted by the shoemaker’s elves for their cooler temperature slippers with their cashmere lining and bells on the curved toes that play “Hallelujah Chorus” when a child is born.

As Queenie looked on from her fall/winter throne, the elves celebrated with pancakes. Unlike past years when only risotto pancakes stuffed with Italian White Alba truffles were served, Queenie arranged for s’mores pancakes to be offered for those with a sweet tooth or two.

With regal posture, Queenie looked over the sea of elves and announced, “This year will be the most remarkable in history for fundraising. Let us show respect, honesty and compassion in our coverage. Our goal continues to be to provide ‘a conversation for the good of Dallas.’”

As if planned, the sound of “Hallelujah” jingled throughout. Somewhere a baby had just been born.

UPDATE: MySweetCharity’s Local Social Empress Post

Not since her cousin Pandora opened her box of mischief has Queenie stirred up such a clatter of chatter. Evidently, her tea break with Local Social Empress created quite an uproar. She even had one gal declare herself as a “Local Social Peon!” to avoid damnation.

No, it’s not who you thought it was. It was the other one. Don’t ask; Queenie won’t tell.

But regardless of who LSE is, the message is still the same — when you’re a guest of a generous host/hostess, don’t think your presence is the present. If you haven’t got the ca-ching to donate, you’ve got the time to volunteer. It will take less time than to have your nails gelled!

It’s sorta like dating. You remember that. First, there’s an eye-lock and attraction. Then you try a second encounter and you discover that there is an intimate embrace that only can be appreciated by you two. Think the 1960’s “The Thomas Crown Affair”.  [Warning: This link is slightly R-rated, so don’t play it at work or in front of the kids unless they’ve have had that talk with you.]

Ah, that’s what LSE was trying to get across. You have an “opportunity” to have a relationship that will not only benefit the supposed recipient, but you as well.

Local Social Empress Needs To Pick New Set Of Pals

Queenie just returned from tea with Local Social Empress (LSE). Well, actually they didn’t have tea. Way too hot, don’t you know. They did enjoy a flute or two of adult lemonade. The reason for the get-together was our dear old Queenie had been baffled about something. She had noticed that LSE had not been buying up table(s) for local fundraisers like days of yore.

Had LSE succumbed to a financial diet resulting in her pocketbook becoming anorexic? Was she saving up for a body lift? The last thing Queenie wanted to hear was that LSE had gotten weary of philanthropy.

Queenie, who is as tactful as ground glass, asked between sips, “Why the heck aren’t you on the scene anymore? Why aren’t you and your posse showing up for the charities? Girl, is something terribly wrong, because we really need you front and center.”

Like a child confessing to a priest on the Saturday before Christmas, LSE admitted, “I got tired of buying tickets for my friends to attend events. It was my hope that they would support the charities by at least buying raffle tickets or getting involved with the nonprofit. Instead, they bought new frocks for themselves, sent me beautiful flowers and lovely thank-you notes. So, I decided that it would be best if I simply made donations and let the organization sell tables for people who might benefit from the experience.”

As Queenie tells it, her brow furrowed like a newly plowed cornfield. “My dear LSE, your money is grand, but your presence is equally important. By being there, you’re endorsing the efforts of so many. So, go pick yourself some new friends and return to the rank and file of those on the frontline of Dallas fundraising.”

Queenie immediately left for a severe botox treatment to return her brow to perfection.

There You’ve Gone And Done It Once Again

One of the elves has this theory. It is that Monday is the worst-day-news-day. Of course, Queenie scoffed at the very idea. She scoffs at everything that doesn’t revolve around her. But in this case, it wasn’t the case. Even she had to realize that life had come to a standstill.

MySweetCharity was high and dry and nowhere to be seen today, despite news breaking all around: Pink Memo calling it a wrap, Dallas Independent School District Superintendent Mike Miles packing up his wife and youngest child back to Colorado Springs, Amazon’s chief buying the Washington Post, and baseball legends admitting that hanky-panky demanded comeuppance.

It seems that, despite the triple-digit heat engulfing the North Texas area and air-conditioning units blowing like a West Texas windmill, the MSC traffic blew the gasket off the server, sending the IT elves into blow-out conditions.

No way! It’s summertime and no one reads websites. Ah, but the MSC community is different. Despite being away from home or in the neighborhood, it’s still a 7-11 for information.

To provide fodder to its community, the MSC elves got out their super-duper, blow-buster vacuums to clean out the dust and minutiae. But it just didn’t’ work. Then the heavy-duty IT types, who speak a language more baffling than the Rosetta Stone, were brought on board. They were stymied.

It was the wee-est elf who had the answer. According to the itty-bitty elf, “We have simply gotten more visitors than our community can accommodate.”

How to correct the situation? Well, Queenie was absolutely worthless. Instead, it was up to the roll-up-your-sleeves elves, who seamlessly ramped MySweetCharity up to the next level of “cool” and “convenience” in the Internet caste system.

So, it was a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that folks are continuing to be aware and gain support for the area nonprofits. The bad news is that MSC is having to up the ante to provide a forum for communications.

We’re so grateful to have such “bad news.”

Let’s continue the conversation for the good of Dallas.

Queenie Blows A Gasket Over Email Inquiry

Today started off so nicely. Sure, it was a bit warm, but the solar-powered A/C was cranked up. The elves had just finished posting the latest batch of events on the MySweetCharity calendar. To celebrate, one of the Scottish elves brought in some homemade scones with rich butter and jams.

Queenie was sipping her Da Hong Pao tea and reading her emails. Everything was fine until she got to one. It was amazing to see the old girl’s face become a rich Tyrian purple, as she prepared to blow.

As the elves hid in their favorite hiding places, Queenie stood up shouting, “No! Never! Not ever!”

Elder Elf asked, “What won’t happen, Oh One Who Is The Brightest Star In the Universe?” (The old fellow knows how to phrase a question, don’t you know?)

Queenie swooned and fell back on her Lila Jang canapé. Two MSC pet ostriches fanned her. All she could do was wave the email that had sent her into apoplexy. Elder put on his specs and read it — “Do you ever ‘share’ or ‘sell’ the MSC subscriber list?”

Elder shuddered. Elves collapsed and wailed throughout the MSC queen-dom.

Until MSC can return to norm, take heart. When you subscribe to MSC, you are only signing up to receive a roundup of the MSC posts from the day before. That’s it. No one else has access to the list. Never has, never will.